What do you think of when you hear the words “the prodigal son”? It should be noted that the word “prodigal” is not found in the King James or other major Bible translations. The word itself did not originate in the English language until around 1500 A.D
What do you usually think of the story as being “about”?
Do you think of it as having a happy ending? Why or why not?
This lesson is about the father’s point of view:
- How would we describe the behavior of the father in the story? Do we know anyone who has behaved this way in our own lives or experience? What is our impression of that person?
- What do you think of the father’s handling of things?
- What makes a good father?
- Have you ever found that if you have some money everyone wants to be your friend until the money is gone?
- Did his dad kick him out of the house for asking for his inheritance?
- Was this a case of unconditional love?
Several principles that believing parents can use to react to and deal with children who walk contrary to the way in which the parents have raised them – Discuss each point:
- Parents need to remember that once their children have reached adulthood, they are no longer under the authority of their parents.
- If the child is not a believer – this is just doing what comes naturally.
- In the case of a child who at one time made a clear profession of faith in Christ, we call this child a “prodigal.” The child who leaves home and wastes the spiritual inheritance that his parents have invested in him. All the years of nurture, teaching, love, and care are forgotten as this child rebels against God first.
- Notice that the father in the parable does not stop his child from leaving. Nor does he follow after his child to try to protect him. Rather, the parent stays at home, keeps faithfully praying and watching for the signs of repentance and a change of direction. Until that comes, parents keep to their own counsel, do not support the rebellion, and do not interfere.
- Once children are of an age of legal adulthood, they are subject only to the authority of God and the delegated authority of government. God often uses self-inflicted misery to bring us to wisdom, and it is up to each individual to respond correctly. As parents, we cannot save our children—only God can do that.
- We cannot judge our children, only God can.
So the question is, “How should Christian parents respond toward children who rebel?” Discuss each point.
- The human tendency is either to withdraw emotionally in order to protect yourself or to get angry and lash out.
- As Christian parents we must ask, “How would God have me act in this difficult situation?”
- Hurting parents must demonstrate God’s love and forgiveness to their children.
- The parable does not teach us about how to discipline our children, and that is an important matter that we cannot ignore.
- God’s love and grace are the greatest motivation for our obedience
The pain runs deep when a child rebels. If you had a rebellious child, how have you experienced pain?
This pain can be broken down into at least three component parts:
The pain of rejection.
Rejected the father: Can you imagine going to your own father and saying, “I want my share of my inheritance now”? In effect he is saying, “I don’t care about you; all I want is your money. Give it to me now so I can get out of here and enjoy myself without you around.”
Basically, he wished the father dead.
Rejected his heritage: The boy was saying, “I don’t want to be associated with the family any longer. I don’t want to live here or to raise my family here. I want nothing to do with my family heritage.”
Rejected his values: The boy did not join the local synagogue in the distant country and model his life after his father. Instead “he squandered his estate with loose living” (15:13). He wasn’t following the Lord. That tears up any godly parent. The father felt the pain of rejection!
The pain of humiliation.
Things do not happen in secret. Some may have criticized the father for permitting it to happen or for not raising his son properly. Even to receive the sympathy of those who were more understanding would have been humiliating.
The pain of guilt.
Any parent is going to feel some guilt when his child goes astray. Some of it will be true guilt, because what parent has not made mistakes that he would erase if given the chance? But much of it will be false guilt, based on the nagging feeling that he has failed as a parent.
We have wrongly interpreted Proverbs 22:6, ”Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it,” to mean that if you train them properly, then it is guaranteed that they will follow the Lord. Thus, if the child goes astray, the parent must be to blame. But the Proverbs are not ironclad promises. Rather, they state general maxims about life. It is generally true that if you train up children properly, they will follow the Lord as adults. But it is not a guaranteed promise, and therefore it is not necessarily a sign of parental failure when a child rebels.
The father in the parable was also hurt by his older son. The boy refused to come into the celebration for his younger brother. His father had to go out in front of his guests and appeal to his son to come in.
As parents what should we do?
We need to:
Relinquishment without rejection.
The father let the prodigal son go, but he did not reject him.
In his hurt, he could have said, “I’ll give you your inheritance, but if you take it and leave, I never want to see your face again!”
He granted his young adult son the respect of making decisions, even poor decisions, without rejecting him as his son.
As a child nears adulthood, the parent is not acting in love if he refuses to let go and attempts to control every aspect of the young person’s life.
If you love your child, you will be able to relinquish control as the child matures without rejecting the child for making wrong choices.
Be Concerned.
This father was constantly scanning the horizon looking for his son’s return (15:20).
The father did not protect his hurt feelings by hardening his heart. A self-focused parent would have said, “After what he’s done to me, I couldn’t care less what happens to that ungrateful boy!”
Have compassion.
When he saw his boy in rags, smelling like the pigsty, the father did not say, “How disgusting! It serves you right. I told you so! Go clean up and dress properly and you can come home!”
No, he felt compassion. He hurt with his son.
Show affection.
The father ran toward him, “embraced him, and kissed him” (15:20). He doesn’t even know yet whether the boy is repentant. It is enough that he has returned.
He could have waited at the house until the boy was all the way there and then have given him an icy stare and said, “So you came back, huh?” But he ran to him and openly showed him his love.
Parents, don’t hesitate to show physical affection toward your children as they grow older!
Show Humility.
In that culture, it was disgraceful for an older man to run.
But this father was not concerned about public opinion.
He valued his son more than he cared about what other people thought about him.
Show generosity.
He brought out the best robe, a ring, and sandals.
He killed the fatted calf. Did the boy deserve that? He had already wasted his share of the inheritance.
This was pure grace! To his other son, even though he was rude and impudent, the father said, “…all that is mine is yours”
Are you as gracious with your kids as God is with you?
Show Acceptance.
The boy was not put on probation.
He was not accepted home on the condition that he meet certain standards
The father showers him with blessings to show his undeserved acceptance of his son.
Forgive.
Immediately.
Making someone earn forgiveness over time is not forgiveness.
Making someone pay is not forgiveness.
Who need forgiveness when they have to pay off their debt?
To say, “I’ll forgive that boy when I’m good and ready and not before” is not to forgive.
Forgiveness must be an immediate, decisive action.
Totally.
He didn’t leave the boy with the burden of something to live down.
He forgave him totally, once and for all, and it was over.
Do Not Record Wrongs.
The father did not keep part of the boy’s wrongs in reserve to use as ammunition in a later disagreement.
Obviously, the father could never erase what had happened from his memory.
To forget is a decision that the wrongs will never be dredged up again.
Restore.
The father restored his son to the full privileges of son ship. He did not have servant status.
He was a son, with all the rights and privileges of a son.
In conclusion:
If your children have hurt you through their rebellion, show them God’s abundant love and mercy. Through your love, your children should be able to see that God “is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in loving kindness” (Psalm. 103:8).
If you have rebelled against God, know that He stands ready to pour out His love and forgiveness on you. Like the father of the prodigal, God is eagerly watching for you to turn in repentance toward Him. When you do He will run toward you and embrace you and kiss you and lavishly welcome you home, forgiving all your past. He is that kind of a gracious, loving Father!